Hi friends! Happy holidays to you and your families 🙂
The past couple of days has been “ugh” for me. Well it’s the time of the year where you have a long holiday, then work 2.5 days in between, before the long holiday again. So that little break in the momentum ruins the spirit, and I feel like all my co-workers share the same sentiment. lol
Christmas eve was sooooo busy. A lot of people were doing last minute Christmas shopping, including me. Can you believe I had to wait good 20mins in line just to have all my gifts wrapped? I should’ve just wrapped it myself! But meh, can’t bother. We were dismissed early from work so I had to do all my other errands at the same time. I also drove all the way to Newlands to visit my friend Tammy to check on her. I loved the drive though. That part of the island is where my boyfriend and I plan to move eventually when we start a family. It is a peaceful and serene neighbourhood.
We had a very simple Christmas. My boyfriend, stepdaughter, and I went out for brunch (ik, it’s such a thing!), and just stayed at home for the rest of the day. We weren’t able to drive around because of all the days in the year, all our cars decided to act up during Christmas. Thus we spent the next 2 days trying to get them fixed.
Anyway, I’ve been feeling down again lately. My boyfriend couldn’t fathom why I feel this way when realistically speaking I have everything I have ever dreamed of. It is true though, but it’s hard to translate this feeling into words. The question is, why do I still feel… empty? I guess these are the things I need to discuss with my therapist next year so she can evaluate me further, I don’t think the meds are working as expected lol.
Part of why I’m feeling “confused” is because #1 I had covid? They say people who had covid tend to be in a confused state for a while, I don’t know how accurate is that, but ok I will accept that explanation to justify my feelings lol. #2 is I am unhappy at work. But then again who am I to complain when I am getting paid a very handsome amount of money? With this job, I was able to give monthly support to my mom, go on overseas vacations, purchase a house in Cayman, and build one on the Philippines. So… financially I am ok. But, I am unhappy. There are numerous reasons for this and it is not just a one time event that led me to feel this way. Trust me, I used to love my job. I used to wakeup early in the morning to go to work with conviction that I am ready for the challenge! I love working with my boss Lainey and my coworkers especially Tammy. My issue is the endless amount of work; being constantly overutilised; and the mere fact that the management is aware of all this but refuse to increase the headcount. It is very exhausting. I barely have time to study for my CFA, which is my goal for professional growth. I feel like my life is being stripped away from me slowly, in exchange of money. I still want some free time to do whatever I need to do to enjoy my life. Do you agree with me? #3 I feel like I always have this worry at the back of my mind, that as your wealth increases, the more impact it has on you when its gone, thus you have to protect and sustain it as much as you can. Hence I have to be careful on what I spend it on or who I spend it with. Time and health included. Omg, is this #firstworldproblems? I guess I haven’t really given it that much thought before because I’ve been poor all my life that it was never a priority lol. I am not getting any younger, and yes I am counting my days. I am not in a race, but I know life is not forever so I want to make use of it as efficiently as I can!
Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk lol. The floor is open for discussion
